Belonging Shouldn’t Be This Hard

Published: Sat, 11/29/25

Updated: Sat, 11/29/25

If you’ve ever wondered why getting others to see your child as a capable learner feels like an uphill battle, this is for you.

Today, marks 50 years since IDEA became law. A law that made it possible for disabled children to enter schools that once shut their doors on them.

But even with that progress, you might still walk into meetings where your child is seen through a deficit lens instead of a human one.

IDEA opened the door, yes…
but it didn’t guarantee belonging.

And while we talk a lot about rights, timelines, services, and IEP meetings, the truth is this:

The law was never the point.
Your child is.

IDEA exists because, before 1975, children with disabilities were routinely excluded from school entirely. Parents fought to make sure their sons and daughters could simply enter the building.

Fifty years later, we’re still fighting. But something important can get lost in the battles:

➤ We begin to talk about the paperwork instead of the person.
➤ We begin to talk about services instead of belonging.
➤ We begin to talk about deficits instead of gifts.

So as we recognize this anniversary, I want to return to the essence of who your child is and why their presence in the world matters far beyond what any document says.

The Essence: You See Possibilities The System Has Forgotten to Imagine.

John O’Brien, a pioneer in person-centered planning and a lifelong witness to the humanity of people with disabilities, said something that has stayed with me:

This is the heart of good advocacy.
This is the heart of inclusive education.
This is the heart of IDEA.

Your child and every child has a uniqueness that no evaluation tool can fully capture.

When we treat a person as a checklist, we lose their humanity.

When we meet a person with curiosity and awe, everything shifts.

And you are often the one carrying that awe alone.

You see possibilities the system has forgotten to imagine.

You know the truth of who your child is, even when the data points tell an incomplete story.

IDEA may guarantee access, but you fight for meaning, belonging, contribution, and dignity.

What More is Possible For Your Child?

That question should guide every meeting and every decision made.

It brings everyone back to your child, who they are, what matters to them, and what’s possible for their future.

It helps lessen defensiveness so people can actually listen to each other and work together.

Real belonging shows in the little things:
your child being greeted by their name, working with classmates, and being recognized for their gifts and valued simply for who they are.

IDEA at 50: A Call Back to Belonging

O’Brien once described the impact of even the smallest human connection:

“Witnessing what happens when people even have a minimum of human connectedness…”

That is what your child deserves:
not just access, not just services, not just placement, but:

Human connectedness.
Belonging.
Dignity.
A chance to bring their gifts to the community.

IDEA opened the door.
But opening the door is not the same as welcoming someone in.
The law created the framework, but we must create the community.

As We Celebrate, We Return to The Person

This anniversary isn’t just a milestone, it’s a reminder to truly see your child:
their quirks, their gifts, their struggles, their potential.

And a reminder that:
Your child is not an eligibility box.
Not a placement.
Not a data point.

Your child is a human being,

full of possibility,
worthy of belonging, dignity, and a meaningful life.

Learning From John O’Brien

John O’Brien spent more than 50 years helping the world recognize the gifts and contributions people with disabilities bring to our communities. He passed away in June, but his wisdom lives on.

This short video, Lessons at the Edges, shares some of his most powerful reflections in his own voice. You'll be glad you took 12 minutes to view this video. Click here

As you watch, listen for the moment he asks: